Overwhelm

Today I feel overwhelmed. I grew up with really bad anxiety, partly because my circumstances & partly because how I learned to handle my emotions was to push them down. That resulted in me having extreme anxiety through the years, at the time I was not sure what it was & not sure how to handle it. 

At 23 years old it got so bad that I decided I needed to do something about it, I could no longer live life feeling that intense all the time. Thats when I began my healing journey that has led me to where I am today. It started with traditional therapy which was great to help me understand where it stemmed from. Then I began doing personal growth workshops, which had a huge impact on facing old wounds, and learning tools to show up differently. Since then, I have read countless self-help books, attended lots of retreats, workshops, and ultimately discovered my own spirituality and what that means to me. I made a choice not to stay in that way of life, and decided I get to heal and be the best version of myself. It has not been an easy road, so many ups and downs, so many layers to peel back, and each time I do I discover more to be healed. 

Its a never ending journey, we are always growing and transforming and learning, that will not end while we are incarnated. 

So despite all the work I have done on myself, I still get waves of anxiety from time to time. It is definitely less frequent, and when it comes I now know what it is. I know how it manifests in my body, my heart feels heavy & my stomach is in knots. I also know now that it is okay to feel it, and ask why it is there. What are you here to show me? I also know it will pass, its not permanent. Everything is impermanent. So I am now able to handle it in a way that is healthy. 

Some ways to move through it are breathing, nature, movement, spending time in solitude, journaling what is bothering you, asking for what it wants to tell you, and knowing you are not alone. 

Deep breaths for me today.